I went to the ER Friday, writhing with pain in my chest. It was a scary feeling, thinking I was having a heart attack and might die. I'd had chest pains before including the two weeks leading up to Friday. I was supposed to have a stress treadmill test at 10 a.m. that morning but the pain vetoed my appointment and sent me to the hospital instead. I was quickly cared for and given morphine, a lovely drug. I settled down after a few minutes and wondered why a horse was pushing on the back of my leg with its teeth. Very annoying. I also watched the clock get to 9 a.m., missed 9:10 and saw 9:15. I told Riley I didn't have to die now. He didn't understand. I told him my dad and niece Stacie both died at 9:10 a.m. and the bus had left so I didn't have to get on it.
Throughout the 11 hours we were at the ER they blood work, x-rays, an EKG, a CatScan, and an ultrasound. They weren't finding any heart problems which was good news but I didn't imagine the pain - it was like an elephant was standing on my chest, just like heart attack patients describe. They wanted to go ahead with the treadmill test but I had to wait for something to come down from Salt Lake so we didn't get started until around 4:30 p.m. I hadn't eaten or had a drink all day (except one I sneaked early on) so I was feeling pretty puny, as they say in Texas. Yet I endured one more test - radioactive gunk pumped in my arm, laying in a machine unmoving for 13 minutes, walking then running for 11 minutes to get my heart rate up (I couldn't go the distance but got it high enough), then laying in the machine again for 15 minutes where Riley said I fell asleep twice. It took until around 7 p.m. to get all the results. The doctor said I have no heart problems which is a huge relief given my grandfather, father and brother all had heart attacks in their 50's and my mom in her 60's. They were concerned about this family history.
They said I have a hiatal hernia but it's small. He also mentioned that stress can contribute to acid in the stomach, building up and causing pain. His suggestions were to take Maalox, lessen the stress in my life and see my regular doctor to possibly see a specialist. Two of those are easy, one, not so easy.
I was worn out from laying in bed all day and going to different areas of the hospital to do all the tests. Poor Riley was worn out too, experiencing sympathy chest pains and having had only two meals during the day. He is such a strength to me and such a calming influence. I love him. It was a rough day for both of us and even though I still have chest pain I know my heart is good. That's a huge blessing and an answer to prayers. (Thanks to my mom and siblings who put my name on prayer rolls in their areas!) Riley had given me a blessing in the middle of the night before we went to the ER to help me calm down and help the doctors figure out the problem.
I'm not a good patient. I don't like not doing anything, hence, I overdo and stress myself out. I wanted to get up and move around, not be tied to machines and the stupid BP cuff that nearly exploded my arm. Then I thought about people I love who are chronically ill and how they deal with medical crap nearly every minute of every day, mostly putting on a happy face while doing so. I felt ashamed that I complained about my day of inconvenience while trying to find the cause of the pain. I know they've endured many days and many tests, more than I'll ever know of.
The pain is still there but I know it's my stomach betraying me, not my heart. It's uncomfortable and Maalox, Tums and Ibuprofen are becoming my new best friends but I can deal with it.
I turned 50 this year. All the things I feel about that are for another blog, another day. But I just want to say I'm not old. I might be falling apart here and there but I'm not going to let the old people problems get me down. We all have to grow old and we can fight it tooth and nail or do it gracefully. I'm going to fight it tooth and nail gracefully.
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