New Year's Resolutions

In 2007 my resolution was to not buy any new clothes for a year. It was not an easy feat but I did it. Socks and underwear were considered necessities so I bought those but I didn't buy any new clothes or shoes for a whole year. It was a year of learning things about myself regarding shopping. I'm not a shopper anyway but it was fun to start shopping again a year later.

In 2008 I decided not to shop at Wal-Mart. Ever. Again. Hate that place. I kept it up for 2009 so I haven't shopped there since Dec. 27, 2007. I shop at Target and other places. People say Target is more expensive and it is. But it is higher quality. And because things aren't so cheap, I don't buy more of something - "Oh look, there are some neato plastic ladybug placemats at Wal-Mart. Since they're only $.99 I'll buy 24 of them!"

So what to do for 2010? Well, one thing I haven't done much of this year is serve others. I've been so focused on taking care of my mother who has had myriad health problems, that doing nice things for others has taken a back seat. I haven't liked it. In November someone on freecycle needed help with food. Both husband and wife had lost their jobs. I emailed the mom and asked what they needed, then filled that need. It made me feel good and reminded me of what I hadn't been doing.

So that is my resolution. I'm going to start giving more. My mother will still be a recipient for sure, but I've always loved taking treats to neighbors, tending my Parker grandbabies, writing thank-you's to deserving people, and even, on occasion, paying for someone else's groceries in line ahead of me. I like doing things that make me feel good while helping someone else. Because I have been given much, I too must give. That's my resolution. Hope it sticks.

A beautiful day!

I loved Christmas this year more than in year's past. It was unhurried, scaled-back and simple. It had to be that way because Riley's been sick and I've been in charge of creating a schedule of caregivers for my mom for two weeks (and take care of her too, before, during and after Christmas). Those two things alone made me rethink if I really needed to decorate all out (I didn't), give neighbor gifts (I didn't except for a couple), buy a lot of gifts (I didn't and a lot of what I did buy I got online and it came straight to my door) or cook a lot. I didn't need to cook many goodies because of the mound of stuff that came to us from loving friends and neighbors. Next year I'm going to look for a good excuse to scale back again. Maybe that's just a good thing to learn, for whatever reason.

“Maybe Christmas,” he thought, “doesn’t come from a store. Maybe Christmas … perhaps … means a little bit more!” --How the Grinch Stole Christmas

Riley in pain

After a five hour visit to the ER last night it was determined Riley has a kidney stone about the size of New Jersey. It's really 5 mm which is the size of a raised number on a credit card. That's pretty big when you consider where it is and where it has to come out. I don't think men dilate. It's really hard to see him in pain. He rarely takes any kind of medicine and he is rarely sick. So seeing him writhe in pain and pop percocet every four hours is a new experience. The timing of this is sort of fortunate - classes and finals are over, but we have/had plans for Christmas - Park City tomorrow night with college friends, which probably won't happen, dinners here, my mom here for Christmas, the Nelson family here for brunch after Christmas, etc. I hope the little bugger makes his way down and out soon. I named him Spike. I guess he could be Rocky too.

Mary or Martha? Christmas gift giving

Sometimes I wish I could be more Mary. I want to tell the Martha in me to stop making lists -- to just go sit and relax, visit, listen and enjoy the moment. It's a hard thing to admit. I do love relaxing. I love visiting with family and friends. I love listening to those who have good stories to tell or who might even need advice. I love enjoying special moments with my husband, kids, family and friends. But I get so caught up in the planning, organizing and doing, the needful things, the food that will be eaten, the clean up, all the details that MAKE special moments happen that it diminishes those very moments sometimes. I'm going to try to be more Mary.

I decided I wasn't going to decorate the Christmas tree this year. I just haven't had time and I looked at the tree with the lights on (thanks Amy) and thought, good enough. But it isn't enough. It's one detail I want to take care of because a decorated tree makes me happy. It makes my heart happy. As I unwrap each ornament I remember where it came from, who made it or who gave it to us and they each have their own little story.

I'm also rethinking neighbor gifts this year. Those who know me well know I don't like getting things I have to dust. It's my least favorite chore. I also like Christmas treats but there get to be so many throughout the weeks before Christmas that we are sick of them cluttering the counter and adding inches to my waist. I want to tell my neighbors I love them in a different way. I'm going to send cards with notes that tell them we love them and because we love them we're not giving them something to dust or eat. We're donating an amount of money in their name to the local food and care coalition. With about 20 families to give to, this could amount to around $100 - money the coalition needs, not dustable items and pounds on hips.

I'm wrapped in my favorite sister-in-law quilt watching it snow outside. Maybe I can be a Mary.

I love this time of year!

I'm ready for the holidays. I told someone that yesterday and they looked so surprised like I was really ready for the holidays. I meant ready to enjoy the holidays, not as in "all the presents are bought and wrapped, my house is decorated and I can sit back and enjoy" the holidays. I'm not sure when I'll have time to do all the things I normally love this time of year. But I am ready to enjoy the sights - lights on houses and lighted Christmas trees in people's front windows, the sounds - I now officially listen to Christmas music, and the smells - well, I can walk into a bakery now and then. Or maybe even create some yummy smells myself. I love this season. I love how people are nicer to each other, how they greet each other. I'm going to say "Merry Christmas" a lot - I know store clerks can't say it but I can and will. It truly is the most wonderful time of the year.

What I am thankful for

Before the busy-ness of today and tomorrow hit (Thanksgiving dinner is at my house), I want to share what I am thankful for. I wrote a gratitude list a couple of posts ago and they still stand. Except for Halloween candy which I am now weaned off of. All candy for that matter.

I'm grateful for life. To get up every morning and breathe. To look out our big sunroom windows at the trees and mountains. I'm grateful for my cats that bookend me on my bed and keep me warm - usually Guida and Heiva. Stella stands on my chest to wake me up. Lupita is just a fruffy gray puddle. Cats are a nice invention.

I'm thankful for the gift of organization. Sometimes it's bothersome but most times, like now as we get my mom's house ready for her, it's a blessing. I've spent 16 hours at her house the past few days and many areas are now organized and ready for her. I'm thankful for Jan, Jason, Brandy, Amy and Paul who helped with the whole process to ready her house. And Comcast and Jay the plumber. I'm thankful for them too.

I'm thankful for food. There's a turkey in the fridge (thanks Jan and NuSkin), potatoes, yams, and other foods ready to prepare. I'm thankful Riley has a good job that sustains our family and for my own job that adds to our income. And that we both love our jobs. Love. our. jobs. I'm thankful for pecans and that we learned how to make and eat pecan pie while we were in Texas. It's the best. But we will still have a pumpkin pie too. And a keylime because that's Andrea's request.

I'm thankful for each family member in the Wheeler and Nelson families. From the tiniest new twin boys born yesterday to Ryan and Wendy Wheeler to the newest baby girl in the Nelson family (the first girl in 23 years) to my 80-year-old mother, I have the best family ever. Riley and my kids are my life - I think they know my life revolves around them. My sissy is one of my best friends. I couldn't ask for a better sister. My brothers are all caring, giving men who lend their love and support in a trying time. My mom is my hero and I love her dearly and suffer along with her as she ages, sometimes with extreme difficulty. And for my "other" family - the Parkers. I get to be grandma Kaye to Logan, Abby, Parker and Jane and a new baby boy next spring. While they aren't my own they give me good practice and I adore each of them. And their parents. And their grandparents who need to come to Utah for a visit.

I am thankful for the gospel of Jesus Christ. It is through his Atonement I have all of these blessings. He gives me new chances every time I make a mistake and all I have to do is remember him. He is my anchor and what drives my thoughts and actions. I love him.

Happy Thanksgiving to anyone who read this!

No rest for the weary

It seems odd to be posting a blog in the middle of the night but I can't sleep. I keep waking up with all the things that need to be done at my mom's house on my mind. She is well enough to go home, or will be in a couple of weeks, we hope. And we are thoroughly grateful for that. But that entails hiring someone to live with her. If that isn't daunting enough (the interviewing, checking references, going over details about her needs, etc.) there is the work to be done to get her house ready. She needs a better sleeping arrangement (not a couch like she used to sleep on) so we need to clear out the TV room and move a bed in. The bed we are going to use in currently holding about 100 sweatshirts (I'm not kidding). So it has to be moved downstairs. Another bedroom needs to be cleared out for the live-in help. So does a bathroom. If anyone knows my mom's house, they know it is piled high with not only sweatshirts but floral arrangements, books, shoes, CDs, blankets, books, puzzles, dishes, more clothes, knickknacks and more books. These all have to go somewhere to make room for the new help.

The kitchen needs to be cleaned and stocked with food. Safety bars need to be installed; so do towel bars. Clutter needs to go, pathways need to be cleared and drawers need to be cleaned out. Curtains need to be washed, a TV cable installed for upstairs, new items need to be bought that will help my mom see better: a big number phone, a magnifier, an easy to turn on lamp, etc.

It's no wonder I can't sleep. And yes, I can ask for help and I will. But somebody's got to get the ball rolling.

A fine balance

I like cleaning. I know, it's weird, but I like a clean house. I like organizing too. I'm not so anal as to alphabetize my spices but I do like things to be organized. "A place for everything and everything in its place." Yet I can't seem to stick with it these days. And I'm OK with that. Most areas in the house are clean and organized but behind closed doors lurks some untidy spots. And I DON'T CARE! I'm sure my obituary (some day) is not going to read "She was tremendously organized and kept a clean house." There are more important things on my plate right now than making sure all the sheets lay flat in a tidy pile in the linen closet or all the dishes in the dish drainer are put away every 15 minutes. I will, when I have time, straighten things -- I'm not giving up altogether. I just want less stress and if trying to get my storeroom organized stresses me out, I'm going to just avoid it. Until Riley notices. Even then, I might still ignore it.

Gratitude list

I came home depressed from my mom's rehab center because of an incident today. It's making me grumpy so I need to do something positive to get my happy self back. So here are things I am grateful for:

1) Our cats Lupita, Heiva, Guida and Stella
2) Special K cereal with yogurt chunks
3) Watching our fish and turtles
4) Our new room and the big windows
5) My flannel pajamas
6) Sleep
7) Cats sleeping near my feet (Riley gets annoyed but I love it)
8) My job and Riley's job
9) My calling in stake young women
10) Being able to wash my car at the car wash
11) Target
12) Half price Halloween candy
13) Memories of vacations with Riley and my kids
14) Reading the newspaper
15) The quilt Kathy made me
16) Band-aids and Neosporin
17) Ibuprofen
18) Talking to my kids in person or on the phone
19) Water
20) New carpet

There. I feel better already.

My bloody stump of a foot

OK, so this isn't a great title for a blog post but geez - I have one! I split my foot open about 10 days ago. The big metal gate at the cabin caught me wrong and opened a big gash near my heel. I've been told I should have gotten stitches but we had just arrived at the cabin for a night and a day of R and R and I wasn't about to turn around and go back to town for a stupid cut. Riley (Dr. Nelson) bandaged it and I stayed off it Saturday. Later that day my nurse friend Callie steri-stripped it together, telling me I should get a tetanus shot.

I've hobbled around for 10 days now, wearing slippers or my backless shoes to work. I even had a doctor look at it Monday and yes, I got a tetanus shot. It was healing until I bumped it tonight and tore it open again. Arrrrggghhhhh! I'm just going to wear a pillow around my foot until the cut is healed. I'll show it.

What I've been missing

I haven't been to Sunday School or Relief Society for about two months. Because my mom's sacrament meeting is at 11 a.m. I've been going to her rehab center to take her to church. That has made me miss my own meetings. Today my sister went to church with my mom (thanks Sissy!) so I got to go to part of my meetings. I missed my own sacrament meeting because of a stake meeting (so my Sundays are pretty crazy, see?) but I took the sacrament at 11 in another ward in our building. So in between all of this I got to go to about 20 minutes of Sunday School and about 3/4 of Relief Society. I sat in both meetings realizing I have missed not only the instruction but the edification that small bits of these meetings provide, whether by the teacher, people's comments or the Spirit.

I'm a fidgety person and it's hard for me to pay attention sometimes but ... what was I saying? Oh, anyway, today made me realize I really love having the opportunity to at least be fidgety while trying to discern something spiritual to use in my life. I think Heavenly Father has a lot to tell each of us and if we aren't where we can get the messages, we are going to lose out on valuable life instructions. I'm pretty sure He understands my need to serve my mom right now but I'll try harder to get to my other meetings so I don't miss what's there just for me.

The return of Heiva

Our lost cat Heiva, (AKA Harvey) came home this morning. Heiva is known to wander the neighborhood at night and come home in the morning but last Saturday she didn't come home. We worried for a few days, then I started walking the roads, checking for a body, calling her name. Brandy mentioned yesterday we should look at the pound so Amy and I did that, but no Heiva. Amy said she knows if a pet has died - she actually knew Notch had died last June before we told her. And she didn't think Heiva was dead.

This morning Riley found her on the back doorstep. She's a little thinner, has a few wounds on her nose and belly and her front claws are worn down. She must have been in someone's shed or garage and tried to get out. Maybe someone in our ward checked after I emailed the whole ward her picture and that she was missing. She's a lovey cat, happily sleeping curled up on our bed, not even minding that Lupita's tail is touching her. She normally hates Lupita. Maybe she's just content to be back home.

The good, the bad and the ugly

The good:
My mom is doing better. She and I sat in the porch swing at her house yesterday for almost two hours.
I love fall. Our leaves are falling.
It's Monday. I love my job.
I'm going to make brownies. And share them.
I got to see all my kids yesterday. They are good kids.
The good list is longer than the bad and the ugly lists. Positive thinking.

The bad:
Heiva is missing. I need to put up "Lost cat" posters.

The ugly:
A box elder bug flew down my shirt this weekend. Gross.
Somebody smashed a pumpkin in the road in front of our house. Even more gross.
Lupita played outside with a dead mouse last night. Thoroughly disgusting.

I Stand All Amazed

I got to go to our stake conference today. I haven't been to church much lately because of my mom's needs. It was so nice to listen to uplifting talks and beautiful music. One song in particular, brought tears to my eyes. And down my cheeks. And onto my dress. It was a beautiful reminder that in the middle of even the most trying times, our Savior is there for us. The choir sang "I Stand All Amazed," and the words sank into my heart one at a time. I know he died for me and that anything I have to face that's hard, he has already faced it for me.

I decided today I would write some things that I stand all amazed at:
~the colorful changing fall leaves
~medical knowledge
~the love and support of family and friends
~gospel principals that bring nothing but happiness
~the excitement of my great-nephews looking at a Jerusalem beetle and a scorpion with Riley
~that I have an incredible job where I get to interact with bright young students
~hot chocolate chip cookies out of the oven

It's a good life. An amazing life.

Crappy day!

So I guess I'll follow up happy day with crappy day. My mom is losing ground again. She lost the weight she had gained and another nine pounds. She's on an IV. She doesn't want to eat or get out of bed. Since she's at a rehab center they will probably tell us, sooner than later, that she can't be there anymore. If you aren't making progress Medicare won't pay.

I look at my mom and wonder how old age creeps in so efficiently. Her hearing is worse. She can't see hardly at all. She can't get up by herself. I try to imagine what she is going through.

I remember coming home from a waterpark in Texas and having an ear infection for the next few days. Sounds were garbled, like I was underwater. I think of how things must sound like this to her now and how frustrating it is to be left out, to lose the clarity of mundane things like traffic and the sweetness of children's laughter. I have, in the past few years, had a few panic attacks -- mostly at night in the dark where I couldn't see. I anxiously looked for anything to bring light to my face - even the glowing dial of my watch. She stares at pictures or things on her plate and tries to make sense of it. I cry when I remember the joy she felt watching sunsets, looking at roses, or even watching Animal Planet. I wonder if, like my panic attacks, she grasps for something to come into focus to settle her fear. She keeps her eyes closed a lot now.

When I had my babies I remember trying to get out of bed the first time with wobbly legs, leaning on someone to help me to the bathroom. I didn't like being dependent on someone but I knew it was temporary. My mom trembles as she stands, fumbling for something to find to steady her. It's not temporary.

The way she is now fills my mind and my thoughts on a daily basis. I search the recesses of my heart to remember what she used to sound like when she'd call and say, "run to the window and look at the GORGEOUS sunset," always saying the word gorgeous in a exaggerated way. My kids even know how to do it. I'd call her, saying something like, "Maybelline Marblehammer?" She'd respond, "Gladys Pipsqueak?" and we'd laugh. Sometimes the first name was so silly we couldn't get to the second one, we'd be cracking up too much. I think of her pulling into her driveway in her car, grabbing bags to bring in and I'd fake hide as she came in the door, having just vacuumed her house. She'd seek me out and we'd laugh. We sat for hours at her kitchen table talking about everything important and unimportant - usually laughing about goofy things.

I get angry about this situation. I don't see how it can be fair for someone who gave and loved so freely for 79 years to now have to deal with pain, suffering and feebleness. Then I realize she had 79 good years, bumps and bruises here and there, but still, 79 years. If it were to truly be fair she would have had half a life of sweet joy and half a life of crap. That we've only had nine months of hardship is really a blessing. It's just hard to see it that way sometimes.

Happy day!

I don't like reading my blog and seeing all the sad and negative. It's just not me. Yes, it's a part of my life right now but the good still outweighs the bad, it always has. So here's to counting the latest blessings:

1) My mom had a good day Tuesday - IV out, 12 pound weight gain (who'd have thought that would be a good thing?), a visit to her house to see her cats (she cried), advances in her meds.
2) I love the crispness of fall weather, finding my flannel jammies in the back of the closet, and eating homemade apple pie.
3) I'm watching the sun rise and last night I watched the sun set with my mom and sister.
4) I love my job.
5) It's fun to have Amy and her cat Lupita living at home.
6) We video chatted with Andrea last night.
7) My house is fairly clean for the first time in a long time.
8) Conference is next week.
9) I love my life, even with all the hard stuff. It's a good life.

Getting old

Back when Riley's mom Aileen was alive she used to say she didn't want to get old. (She died at age 65 so she got her wish.) I never understood what she meant exactly - if you could be old, travel, enjoy grand-kids, eat whatever you wanted and not work, what was so bad about that? I understand now. Getting old isn't the problem - it's getting old, having health problems and then languishing through the last years of life.

I have a friend who is 82, does aerobics, drives, plays bridge and lives alone just fine. She is perky and cute, dresses stylish (no polyester for her), has darling hair and a great attitude. The key is keeping in shape both physically and mentally.

My mom is now officially old. She thinks so because she is 80. The thing is, she didn't act old until just the past eight months or so. Because she enjoyed good health most of her life she stayed somewhat active and engaged. Now that back pain and a mild stroke have plagued her recently, she acts old. But it isn't an act. My mom has been robbed. She has no muscle mass due to lack of exercise. She has lost brain capacity because of the stroke. She is feeble. Those are hard words to write. It tears at my heart. My mom has always been my best friend - full of life, jokes, wit and fun. Now she asks the same questions over and over and she realizes she's different. She comments on her brain not being right. She asks if her voice sounds different. She wonders why her skin hangs off her bones. She's lost 35 pounds in the past year.

One of her physical therapists told me that when people come to rehab because of an injury, if they've kept themselves in good shape, they rehab better and bounce back faster. He said old folks who have lived sedate lives don't do as well. Sometimes they don't even rehab and end up going to a nursing home. This doesn't bode well for my mom as she starts rehab. She has been pretty sedate for the past eight months and longer. She was a librarian and retired just four years ago. She hauled books all over the library, drove herself, shopped for groceries and new shirts, went to lunch with friends, watered her lawns, did her own laundry, cooked for herself and more. Just a year ago she was doing all of this and now she does none of it.

I'm learning lessons. Patience, for one. When someone has a brain injury you can't get impatient as they repeat the same questions, five minutes apart. You factor in an extra half hour when you take them someplace they need to be because they just can't move quickly. You listen to obsessing over small details that seem important to them, but in reality, aren't.

I'm also learning that I don't want to end up the same way. I wouldn't call my mom a burden - I love her and she took care of me so it's my turn for payback. But I don't want to burden my kids with the same kinds of responsibilities I have right now. I want to be able to drive, move, walk, pay my own bills, think and converse. I want to exercise my body and my mind so I stay fresh. Like spinach from a garden.

Once in a while my mom, my real mom, comes out to play. It's rare because the pain has transformed her into someone who, if I hadn't seen her for a few years, wouldn't even know. But she's still there and we get glimpses of her when she's feeling good or we walk down memory lane. I kid myself that I will get her back, that a miracle will take place - pain will leave, muscles will rebuild, brain will heal. I can hope for all of this but I have to be ready for if it doesn't happen. I will love my mom to her dying breath and I will exhibit patience and kindness because she deserves no less. When I go through the veil I want her to be able to say, "thanks for hanging in there until the end, I know it was tough, but you never failed me."

It's really hard to want to blog right now but I should probably get a few feelings down. My mom is having a hard time with life. It's been a downhill slide since January and I don't see how she is going to get back on her feet again. There are a million things I could write - medical details, frustrations, trying to accomplish regular life stuff while taking care of all the things that involve her. The bottom line is I just want my mom back.

Our new sunroom/trips we could have taken

Our new sunroom was finished about a week ago. It's beautiful. It is built like a real room, no curved glass and metal windows, no choking heat, no leaks in heavy rainstorms. It was a nice room while it lasted but it just wasn't pleasant anymore. Our neighbor Jordan was our contractor and did a superb job. He stressed about wrong windows and getting behind on his promised time of one month, but it was fine. We even saved some money because of the window problem.

The ceiling is higher than the rest of the house and has three skylights, one that opens. The big picture window frames our aspens outside. There are real doors with blinds on the inside of the glass, a woman's invention, I'm sure. Since we had to pick paint for the new room we went ahead and had the living room and hallways painted too - a beautiful, soft yellow that really livens up the whole house. And new carpet throughout most of the top floor! Of all the man-made items in the world, new carpet that looks nice and feels soft on your toes is a joy to behold. Yes, I love the carpet.

Besides the new room and new carpet we had a new roof put on. We loved our old cedar shakes but they were causing leaks and the roof had outlived its life. So we have a nice new asphalt roof as well. And new insulation in the attic. We've never done this much to a house before. Our Austin house only got a new roof once, and the deck and a used hot tub, but this house is the one we'll be in for a long time so it needed the TLC. I kept thinking about all the trips we could take with the amount of money we were spending on the new construction and decided it's worth it to have this new room over several trips. It's wonderful to sit in and when we do go on a trip, it will be wonderful to come home to.

It's amazing what a long nap will do

I got back from camp today - five days of high mountain fun and spirituality. OK, four. I left Thursday morning to come home to work and go to a wedding reception, but it felt like five anyway.

I was in charge of the whole she-bang last year as stake camp director. What a difference a year makes! I loved both years - last year the planning and seeing through of a zillion details, this year - just being there, walking the camp without a huge load on my shoulders, visiting with camps and pitching in where needed. Some things I always come home grateful for: sweet, mature leaders who don't gripe, cute girls who get along and help each other, wards that feed us delicious food, the smell of the pines and aspens, wonderful ward and stake friends, good weather (although it was 32 degrees this morning - there was ice on my car ...) and a renewed testimony of my love for the beautiful things Heavenly Father has created just for our enjoyment and knowledge.

I didn't sleep well this week so this afternoon my bed beckoned. It was lovely to catch up on some well-earned zzzzzz for a few hours. Yes, I have laundry and grocery shopping to do but it's good to get back to normal life. And I have a new house! The sunroom is done, the paint on the walls is soft yellow, the roof is complete and we have lovely, soft new carpet! It's like walking into someone else's house but it's all mine!

I missed my family. I haven't seen Andrea, Jason or Brandy for five days. I saw Riley and Amy on Thursday while I was home for a bit and Riley came up to camp last night as part of the bishopric who brought pizza to the 10th ward.

Life is good.

Insanity reigns

I don't like reading blogs where people whine and complain. It's not enticing. So if you don't want to read this, don't. I'm basically writing this to get it down so that I can look back and see that I made it through a crazy time.

I'm not sure why my life has to be so busy. I've even cut out a number of things so that I can focus on the most important. Yet, I'm still swamped. Right now we have construction on the house. We need to pick out carpet. That means we need to move all the stuff off the carpet. Since the carpet will be out, we will paint the living room and get rid of the pink, yes it's pink, paint. That involves unloading the huge antique secretary by the front door and moving it, draining the fish tanks and moving them and moving the piano. All of this needs to happen in the next few days. I work Friday. I work Monday, including Monday evening. I go to camp Tuesday through Saturday. I still need to take care of my mom, and my husband, and my family, and my calling and my visiting teaching (probably won't get done ...) and sleep. At work the semester is winding down. That means a semester end party to coordinate, new editors to hire, grades that will be due, working out details for next semester and other heavy duty things. I think I need to use a lifeline.

My sissy

That's what I call her - my sissy - my one and only sister Jan. We have some good times, me and my sissy. We laugh our heads off, sometimes about the dumbest things. We dress up crazy and eat other people's french fries, (we need to do that again soon) and we have some pretty fun memories from our teen-age years. Mamamamamamamama. (She'll know what that means.) The best thing we do for each other these days is vent and listen. We have some heavy duty things going on right now and we are there for each other, every minute of the day, several times a day, if need be. We get a little weary about stuff but we lift each other up and sort things out and problem solve and put out fires. I'm pretty sure we'd be depressed and frustrated without each other.

I love my sissy - she's been through a lot of crap in life and she's come out on top. I'm pretty amazed at her stamina and she has some incredible lessons to teach others. So for this Sunday, when I want to give thanks for something good in my life, today, it's my sissy. Love ya sissy.

Being a grandma, sort of

I don't have any of my own little grandbabies yet and this isn't a plea for any, just a statement on how fun it is to be a grandma to my little Parker grandkids. Abby, the most vocal of the bunch, calls me "Grandma Kaye," sometimes a couple dozen times in one night - "Grandma Kaye, can I dig in the garden? Grandma Kaye, can I have some ice cream? Grandma Kaye, where's the cat? Grandma Kaye, I want a beetle." I love it. And little Logan isn't too far behind. He's working on the birthday song and putting sentences together. Little Jane and Parker are in the rolling around and crawling stage for now. It's so fun to have these little people in my life and I'm glad I get to fill in for Jera who is the real grandma, or Marmie, as her little folks call her. Just some sweet joys in life.

Oh, and nearly 3-year-old Abby will not be stopped if she has a mind to go visit the compost and garden. The other night she disappeared and Maegan went looking for her. Abby emerged from the compost area, held up her hand to Maegan (indicating "stop") and said "No! No! Let me dig!" So there. She can crunch all the eggshells she wants, even if Riley isn't here to coach her.

Two weeks down

Riley has been gone nearly two weeks and returns two weeks from tomorrow. He just called from Uyench, Mongolia, near the China border in western Mongolia. He said he ate turkey pate and saltine crackers for breakfast this morning and that all is well. What an adventurous life he leads! I'm never tempted to go on these month-long excursions to Mongolia. I did love the month we spent as a family in Tahiti but hey, here's the difference: Mongolia: wind-swept landscape, rocks, dirt, camels, mutton. (Riley would describe it more beautiful than that ...) Tahiti: deep blue lagoons, palm trees, sand, stingrays, banana po'e. Hmmmm. He'd say he loves one as much as the other. But then he's the adventurous one. Hurry home.

I love fireworks!

I love fireworks -- the bigger the better! Every year a bunch of friends gather at our house to walk a half block to see the fireworks at the stadium. This year the get-together just didn't materialize for whatever reason. (People had other plans, our patio is covered with construction materials, etc.) Then on Friday, I got word that I could get some free tickets to Stadium of Fire. I've always avoided this event for a couple of reasons - it's really pricey and battling the crowds to get home is a nightmare. Plus, I remember back in the early 80s when Provo had fireworks in Kiwanis Park and everyone got to see them without paying. So I've always been a little miffed at the SOF people.

But free is good and I thought going once wouldn't hurt so I took Jason and Brandy, Kristi, Ben and Logan Parker and we had a great time! We even sat by neighbors and friends. From the flyover of the jets and helicopters to the dancers and fire performers on the field, to the two musical acts I'd never heard in my life - SheDAISY and Jonas Brothers, to the giant flag held up by two cranes to the fantastic fireworks - it was a memorable, enjoyable event. I got lots of pics of fireworks and when Andrea and Amy come home they can show me how to add photos to my blog. (I could figure it out ...)

Riley's wanderings and the construction he left behind

Riley left for Mongolia the other day. This is his fourth trip. Each trip has lasted from 3-5 weeks. It will be 29 days this time. I'm used to it a bit more now but it still isn't fun to have him gone. I love Riley. I like it when he's around. Yet, while he's gone, I try to do a bunch of things to fill the time. One summer I tore out carpet, painted and stained bedrooms walls, laid tile, replaced outdoor patio carpet and more. Last year I revamped a bathroom with the help of my friend Daniel. I always tell people I wait until Riley is gone to do these kinds of projects because then I get to make the decisions myself. The truth is, he'd let me anyway - he's that kind of husband. Not that he doesn't have an opinion - he does. And I usually listen to it. Then I do what makes sense to me anyway. And he supports it.

This time we have major construction at our house and he will miss the whole thing. We had our sunroom torn off because it had started leaking so badly. I was sick of bowls in the room to catch the rain. They ripped it off the day he left so he hasn't seen the plywood wall in the living or walked out to see a big nothing where the sunroom was. You can walk all the way across the floor at the back of the house without going through doors - pretty airy. By the time he returns they will be almost finished with the room. When they take the plywood down it will be like Extreme Makeover - "Jordan - move that wood!" And then we will see a lovely new room with a big picture window, skylights and energy efficient glass. That's one project Riley gave approval to before he left. But the surprise will be for both of us.

When it rains it pours

I like water. I think it has nice qualities. I like to waterski in it and it is my drink of choice. Rain is especially nice, except when it is in my house. I've had two run-ins with rain in my house recently. The first involves my sunroom which has been leaking progressively worse in the past year. A few days ago it was raining hard outside, and just as hard inside. I showed our roofer, who had removed some rain gutter type of thing, and he quickly tried to make the rain shower less. The sunroom is now history, torn off by our neighbor Jordan this very day. He is building on a new room for us, hopefully leak proof.

Second incident - I was sleeping soundly at the cabin last Friday night with 21 other people - young women and leaders from our stake for a camp YCL work night. At 4:30 a.m. I awoke to rain in the cabin - in my bedroom. Since it was coming from the ceiling I quickly deduced the source - upstairs. I found the hot water pipe had blown from its happy copper home. Like the little dutch boy holding back the damn dam, I stuck the pipe into its home and quietly yelled a few people's names to get someone to come and help me. My pals Sarah and Callie came to the rescue and Callie held the damn while I shut off the water in the dark, outside with 1,000 mosquitoes. Then I turned the generator on to survey the damage. The carpet in the upstairs bathroom was soaked as was the carpet in the bathroom on the main floor, the carpet in my bedroom and the basement carpet, couch and pillow. And one young woman. We mopped up a little and went back to bed. I spent 5 1/2 hours drying things out the next day, including sheets, pillowcases, quilts and clothes from the main bedroom closet. I'm done with water. Really.

A fabulous weekend

I needed to get away. I hadn't taken a vacation since before I started working at The Daily Universe on BYU campus last August. Since there were a few days between semesters our family decided to go to Bryce Canyon. Our kids have never been there and Riley and I haven't been there since 1981. The stars must have been in alignment for us to take this trip. It was between trips for Riley - California, California and Mongolia; Andrea and Amy returned from Mexico and Belize at 1 a.m. the day we left, Brandy got time off from her new job and Jason had time too. So the six of us loaded up into two vehicles and headed south.

Everything was perfect. First, it was a free entrance weekend at Bryce so we saved $50 on entrance fees. Then we got the second to last camping spot in the park. We set up our three tents and made a fire to cook pigs in a blanket over the fire. The weekend we chose to go was an astronomy festival so we listened to lectures about planets and then we looked through enormous telescopes to see planets, nebulas and stars. It was fantastic!

Friday we ate omelets cooked in baggies. You break your eggs into a ziplock bag, add things like onions, mushrooms, peppers, cheese, etc. and cook in a pot of boiling water. The best part - no clean up. We hiked through Bryce on the various trails for six hours, going slowly to look at cool things, identify plants and birds and sleep and eat lunch in an out-of-the-way place we had to ourselves. We ate easy stuff life crackers, skittles and fruit. That night we made tinfoil dinners and cooked them in the fire. Again, no clean-up.

Saturday we woke to a little bit of rain. We broke camp and visited all the look-out points in Bryce all the way to Yovimpa point. We had thought about going to Zion and went back and forth trying to decide. At 1-ish we decided to head down to Zion. We were so glad we did. The entrance fee was waived again so we paid nothing to ride the shuttle into the park. We tried to hike the Shinowava area but it was raining. The rain stopped so we took pictures of our family in front of the Great White Throne. We hiked the Weeping Rock area and Brandy and Andrea hiked to Hidden Canyon. It was a wonderful, slow-paced, relaxing weekend with the five people I love the most. We didn't get home until 1 a.m. but it was worth it. We enjoyed our time together and we all came home rejuvenated.

29 years ago

Twenty-nine years ago tonight I was a nervous bride-to-be. I probably went to bed early so that my mom, dad and I could drive 2 1/2 hours north to Logan to meet Riley and his parents for our 9 a.m. sealing. I only remember a few things about that day. Another couple got in a car accident on the way to the temple. They were shaken but went through with their sealing. I cried through most of the ceremony and so did my mom. My dad and Riley's dad were witnesses and they were both beaming. None of my grandparents - Leah Wheeler, or Shirl and Crystal Poulson attended, probably because of distance. But my two brothers Brett and Paul, and their wives, Gayle and Kathy, were there. So was my bishop Gerald Jensen and his wife and Earl and Renee Olsen, good friends of Winston and Aileen, Riley's parents.

After the ceremony we took pictures outside the temple. It was windy and my dress kept blowing up. My mom would rearrange it so it looked nice. Riley had on a tan cordouroy suit. He and I rode with Winston and Aileen to Maddox in Brigham City for our wedding luncheon. There were many more people there, mostly Brigham City friends. We had a chopped beef dinner. We drove to Springville in Riley's mustang and went to my house. I think we must have changed clothes for a few hours before our reception at 6:30 at the center street church.

These are some of the details of the day and I could write more. But the important thing is what I got that day. I got a loving husband with a sense of humor. I married a man who honors his priesthood and loves the Lord. I began a life of church activity that I have grown to love and cherish. I got an exciting life of education and travel with a man who loves to learn, loves to teach and loves to see new things. In just 10 months I became a mother to a sweet little boy Jason. We added two darling daughters - Andrea and Amy within five years.

I love my life. I love the memories of a day 29 years ago that put me on an exciting, memorable path with a loving partner. Happy Anniversary Riley. Thanks.

A list for today

1. I'm glad I heard from Amy in Mexico and that she and Andrea got there OK. I hope they have wonderful adventures and come back safely on the 17th.
2. I bore my testimony today and cried. I can usually hold it in but I had a meltdown. Oh well, I think it actually helped.
3. I love the rain.
4. I had to turn my furnace back on and I'm wearing a sweater and fuzzy slippers. It's June 7.
5. Today is the day I received my endowment 29 years ago. What a tremendous gift.
6. I need a nap. So I'm going to take one. And never put it back.
7. I'm grateful for good friends whose shoulders I can cry on.
8. My little "grandbabies" Abby, Logan, Parker and Jane are hilarious and I love it when they come to my house. Their parents too. Especially when we play nertz. And eat good food.
9. I like it when one of my cats curls up with me. I'll invite them to my nap.
10. I'm hungry but fasting so a nap will help pass the time.
11. This list is pretty deep. I'd better stop.

What a weekend!

There have been a lot of major things building up lately and several took place this weekend. First, my mom had her 80th birthday. I've kidded her for several years that we were going to get the Springville High marching band to play at her birthday. Well this year it happened - they really came and played! About 16 of them plus a band major and 2 flag twirlers. It was probably the most memorable thing to happen to my mom in a long time. People asked how I got them to play for her. I just asked. It's a longer story than that but the point is - if you want to make something happen you have to just ask the right people. Thanks SHS for coming through for her! And I appreciated all the family members who came, brought food, helped with dinner and cleaned up. We had a great time together - one we won't forget for a long time!

Next, my siblings and I got together for a pow wow and to oil the cabin. These were both momentous events - we discussed lots of things that needed attention and we haven't been in the same place at the same time for a very long time so it was good to be together. We had a lot of fun kidding around but we tackled some heavy duty subjects too. Oiling the cabin was a MAJOR job but we got it done in about 5 hours. Brett, Paul, Kelly, Riley, Jan, McKade, Paul and Brian Ashton and I worked on putting the oil on the logs both by sprayer and paintbrush. It was a hot, sticky job. Andrea and Amy brought Grandma Wheeler to the cabin so she could see the happenings. She was possessed for a few minutes by the spirit of Dick Wheeler, and, wearing his hat and a grandpa sweatshirt, gave a short speech on how much he loved his family and that we were all doing a good job to take care of it. (My mom is crazy.) The cabin looks amazing and is good for another 5 years, or however long it takes to oil it again.

Now on to youth conference ...

Nine Mile Canyon

We had a ward trip planned for Nine Mile Canyon yesterday but because of rain, it was canceled. We decided to go anyway with friends Gord and Pam Oborn. We got rained on but we also had an incredible day. Nine Mile Canyon is near Wellington down by Price. The canyon is full of petroglyphs and pictographs, pictures made by pecking the rock surface and pictures created with some kind of paint. Many pictures can be seen from the car. The last bunch we saw we had to walk to and included a pregnant buffalo -- a picture of a buffalo with a baby buffalo inside. Many were discernable as animals or people. Some were odd shapes we puzzled over. It would be nice to know what the Fremont indians were thinking as they created these pictures more than 1,000 years ago. Was it a way to communicate or record history or was it ancient graffiti? Riley took many pictures and once I figure out how to post a picture with my blog, I'll put some up.

Very nice day with good friends. Don't ever let rain thwart plans to make a memory.

I love the cabin

Riley, Andrea and I spent the day at the cabin yesterday. The goal was to not have a goal. After many hectic weeks of covering a million piles of responsibilities, I wanted to do nothing. I got my wish. Sort of. I slept in (til 8 a.m.), read in bed until 9 a.m., had cereal (read - no pancakes, no work), and then started cleaning. A friend asked why I included cleaning in my day of nothingness. Because cleaning takes no brain power - it's cathartic in that there is a transformation from before to after, without hurting brain cells to do so. The day also included a walk to the cattails through an area of the property I've never been on. Riley and Andrea and I walked together and they pointed out various birds, insects and plants. Very calming and enjoyable. After an easy lunch of foods that didn't need to be prepared, I read some more and then fell asleep. I don't think I've taken a nap on a Saturday since ... I can't remember when. The day wasn't rushed, there was nothing pressing to get home to, I didn't feel stressed and I accomplished things I didn't even have on my radar. Nice way to spend a Saturday.

Going to the temple

I got to go to the temple last night. I missed last month because of a stake meeting. I think back to when we lived in Texas and how we had to make a concerted effort to leave town for two days, drive three hours and stay in a motel just to attend the temple. Here I drive by the temple all the time - it's just minutes from my house. What a blessing!

As I sat there dressed in white I thought of the person I was going through for - was she there? How old was she? Sometimes I fall asleep during the session but I was determined to stay awake for Maude D. Lackey from Indiana in 1879, the woman whose name I had. Whether she was there to pay attention or not, I did, and I heard the familiar words from so many times before. It's truly comforting to learn line upon line at the temple. Sometimes I don't learn something new, but many times I do and I walk away in wonder. Something was said last night about the second coming and our need for preparation. I think so many of us shelve that thought until convenient times to think about it - maybe in discussions in Sunday School. But the fact is, it's there all the time - the second coming of Christ will happen and some who are alive on the earth today will probably be a part of it. I want to live my life so that I am ready for that day.

I finally figured out how to grow my fingernails long

I've been battling crappy fingernails for many years. I would use an emery board, nail polish or strengthener time after time. They would chip and split and look terrible about five days after I worked on them. When I was in Tahiti for a month in 2004 my nails grew long. I thought it was because I wasn't doing many dishes or using cleaning fluids. Recently I decided to go without nail polish. My nails are now long! It's the stupid nail products that ruin my nails! So no more nail stuff. I don't like them too long because I can't play the piano or type as easily but I have them long enough to like looking at them and they aren't ugly like before! Sometimes you just have to play detective to figure things out - they grew in Tahiti because I didn't have nail polish there to put on them.

What mother's day is all about

I think a lot of people think Mother's Day is about telling your mother you love them. You should surely tell your mother you love her. But I think it's more about showing your mother (or wife) that you love her. It's a day for pampering, for telling your sweetheart or mom, "no, you're not going to cook dinner, or do the dishes" or whatever other chore needs to be done ... It's a day for a show - not even of grand proportions. Just a 'love' show throughout the whole day. Saying you love someone is easy. Showing you love someone takes effort. Thanks Andrea for making the angel food cake. Thanks Amy for making the cheesy potatoes and cleaning up. Thanks Brandy for cutting up strawberries and putting the glaze on the ham. Thanks Jason for doing all the little needful things to help. Thanks Parker kids for coming and for clearing all the food off the table. Thanks all for pitching in to create a nice day for me and grandma.