Sharing Stacie's Love

My beautiful niece Stacie Gray died in a car accident 10 years ago at the tender age of 24. It was the most tragic event in our family's life. For me, the hardest thing since that day has been watching my sister Jan suffer. I hope and pray never to go through the despair and pain she has since losing her daughter. My heart has a constant dull ache in one corner for my sister and this trial she has to bear.

As each anniversary of Stacie's death has approached in recent years, we've tried to do something to remember her. One year we let balloons go at her grave, sending messages of love to Stacie. Another year we planted a tree in Jan's yard. This year, as the 10th anniversary approached, I wanted to do something to remember Stacie but also to help Jan. I'm always wondering how I can help her heal. One thing I do to help myself feel better is to help others. I generally find that serving others lifts my own spirits. With that in mind I came up with an idea that was sparked several years ago.

Stacie's sister Stephnie and her children were in a car accident on the freeway one summer day. The vehicle was damaged but driveable. Thankfully, no one was injured. She was on her way to my house where a group of our family would all continue on to Lagoon. When they got to my house I remember her kids jumping out of the damaged minivan holding fluffy stuffed animals saying, "Look what I got!!" The Utah Highway Patrol who attended the accident gave each of Steph's kids a stuffed animal to help comfort them in a traumatic situation. The kids were talking more about their new soft friends than the accident. It was a lovely thing for the UHP to distract the kids from the accident and I've remembered that ever since.

So I had the idea to collect stuffed animals to donate to the Utah Highway Patrol. I also asked at the Utah Valley Regional Medical Center, where the ER team worked valiantly to save Stacie, if they would take donations of stuffed animals. They said yes but only new ones since they would be given to sick or injured children and they didn't want germs introduced at the hospital.

I wrote this explanation and posted it on Facebook:

Ten years ago our family lost a beautiful daughter, sister, niece, cousin, granddaughter and friend. Stacie Mae Gray was one of a kind – vibrant, smiling, happy, silly, loving and sweet. She was fiercely loyal and protective of those she loved. Stacie had darling fashion sense. She lit up a room with her personality. Her absence has been tangible since she was taken from this earth but we think about her and yearn for the day we get to put our arms around her again.

Stacie was all for protecting children and helping them feel safe and loved, especially her baby brother.  In her young life she knew pain and suffering. She fought through tough times to a place of peace. And she’d want that for other children.

Her family is collecting stuffed animals – new and gently used – to honor Stacie’s memory as we come upon 10 years without her. These toys will be given to the Highway Patrol to give to children in car accidents to ease their suffering and for rewards at seat belt checkpoints. They’ll also be handed out at hospitals to children facing the fear of sickness and surgeries, although those donations need to be new, not used.

Please donate if you can. Look through the toys your children have. Talk to them about this project and how they can help by giving their toys to children in scary situations. Or buy new toys for children at the hospital knowing they will brighten a child’s sad day.

We will gather the stuffed animals from February 21st – Stacie’s birthday, to March 13th  –the day Stacie died (but we’ll keep going if they keep coming!). There are three drop-off points – Jan Gray’s in Springville, Kaye Nelson’s in Provo and Stephnie Mead’s in Ferron, Utah (outside of Price). You can drop them off to one of us or call us and we’ll come get them. (If you have friends who want to contribute, try to gather many before calling to save us some trips). If you need our address or to arrange a time and place for pick up, please private message one of us.

Together we can make a difference in the lives of children who need something soft to hold onto, just for a time, and we can honor the memory of a sweet girl who left us far too soon.

Thanks for your participation and for spreading the word!

Stacie Mae Gray 1979-2003

Three drop-off points turned into six with friends in other areas volunteering to gather animals for us.

The result was more than overwhelming! It exceeded our expectations. I remember talking to Sgt. Ted Tingey of the UHP for the first time several months ago. He was excited we wanted to gather animals for them and said, "however many you get - 25 or 250 - we'll take them!!" I thought maybe we could hit 500 using Facebook and word of mouth. Once the story was on Facebook the local newspaper got wind of it and did a story. I work in the newspaper business and a story on the front of a section, above the fold, is prominent news. Our story was just that and with my email address listed, we got many more people interested and donating.

The first donation was one new animal from a good friend, Toneta Holmes.

An anonymous donor at NuSkin donated 180 or so brand new puppies. A homebound man in Springville ordered 10 new Ty Beanie Baby hot pink giraffes for us. Some young girls at a local school got permission from their principal to hang fliers in their school, collecting and donating several huge bags of brand new stuffed animals.

And they just kept pouring in. I set aside a bedroom in our home to sort the animals. I had a staging area on the end of the bed where I dumped them out, looked at each one, cut off strings and old tags, set some aside that needed to be washed or mended and bagged and tagged those that were ready to go. I gave bags of animals to friends who washed and dried them. I kept a running total and easily passed 500. I thought maybe we'll hit 1,000! We passed 1,000! I got needle and thread and fixed a dozen or so.


My washing machine was going all day one day with six loads of animals which I then arranged on the picnic tables outside to dry in the sun. 

My staging area was soon covered by large white garbage bags stuffed full of animals and the room was shoulder high in boxes and bags. The staging area then moved to my living room. My husband's eyebrow went up as his space was encroached upon but he was a good sport, knowing it was for a good cause.

My daughters went through their childhood toys and donated many. My mother had a closet full of animals and gave them to the cause. Old high school friends brought donations by. A friend from years ago who I had just reconnected with on Facebook sent a check to buy new ones. A past student sent a box of her childhood animals all the way from Canada!

My former student Mariangela Mazzei sent these from Canada!

Other friends sent boxes from Louisiana and Washington and more came from people around Utah. Two little girls in my neighborhood walked up the street and gave me their animals. Donations ranged from one to hundreds.

One night a woman I had been texting brought two big black bags to my house. She called a half hour later and said her nephew had jokingly hidden his dad's cellphone in one of the bags! I looked and the phone was among the animals - we returned it to her and had a good laugh. The boy might have gotten a stern talking to!

My friend Pam Friske in Salt Lake asked to be a drop-off point and she collected animals as part of a class assignment - she had more than 100!

Pam Friske gathered more than 100 in Salt Lake.

The funniest part has been my sister's porch. I'd drive to her house, pick up boxes and bags and she'd text to say there's more. I'd go the next day, pick up what was there and she'd text again - there's more. It was like the fishes and the loaves - they just kept multiplying - maybe it was the bunnies in the bags that kept multiplying!!

We had bears, bears, bears - some with clothes, some with bows, some with hats and a whole box of Beanie Baby bears too! Close to Easter we got bunnies of all shapes, colors and sizes; snakes, elephants, giraffes, sharks, turtles, dolls, horses, Winnie the Pooh characters, Care Bears, Cabbage Patch kids, Mickey and Minnie Mouse dolls, sock monkeys, other monkeys, fish, birds, iguanas, Woody, Buzz Lightyear, Teletubbies (they talked to me as I threw a bag in my car - "hello, bye bye"!), every Sesame Street character, Flintstones (are they still popular?), frogs, koalas, unicorns, bats, bugs, cows and kitties. There were pigs, pelicans, puppies and ponies. Camels, caterpillars, clowns and chickens, even talking chickens! Some were gigantic - I could only fit a few in a large bag! Others were tiny but some child will love having a small friend to hold.

Some came with sweet notes acknowledging our efforts.

I posted pictures on Facebook to keep people updated and gave a new count every so often. Every time I mentioned it again someone new would ask about it and they'd donate too! I'm sure Stacie was orchestrating things on her end so we have been bombarded on this end. She's laughing about it and so are we!!

The culmination of this activity came on April 4 in two places. I worked with Sgt. Ted Tingey of the UHP to set up a media event. We loaded Jera's truck, Stephnie's van and my truck with nearly 2,000 stuffed animals and we all drove to the UHP headquarters in Salt Lake. Sgt. Tingey had sent out a press release and local TV news stations 2, 4, 5 and 13 were all there plus a reporter (my former student) Whitney Evans, from the Deseret News. My sister was a little nervous but she did great! The UHP lined the walls with tables and put bags and animals all over them. The tables in front of the podium had lots of colorful animals on them. We found out one UHP office, Cameron Roden, had not only gone to school with Stacie but was friends with her! He emceed the event and invited Jan to speak to media and the UHP officers.

My sissy Jan telling Stacie's story to the media at the UHP.

She did a fabulous job telling the story of Stacie, her accident, not wearing a seat belt that day although she ALWAYS wore one and why we chose to collect animals and donate them to the UHP. Then a supervisor, Mike Ripach, spoke and thanked our family for the donation. He then presented me, Jan and Steph with a thank you letter, a UHP patch and a gold coin they give out for going above and beyond the call of duty. We were honored!

Reporters asked for interviews and we all gave comments, Jan especially. And she did great. The news last night was covered with Stacie's picture, pictures of the stuffed animals and my sister telling the story and reminding people to buckle up! The UHP said this is the largest donation they've ever received! The next largest was 300!

We hurried back to Provo, loaded up the new animals and drove to the Utah Valley Regional Medical Center where Annette Young and her staff were waiting with wagons and carts to receive their donation of 439 new stuffed animals.

UVRMC was very happy to receive 439 new animals!

 It was a happy occasion as we unloaded animals and took pictures. They gave hugs and thanks and said they were going upstairs to give animals to 10 waiting kids in the pediatric unit. Such a happy thought!

So, it's over. We shared Stacie's love. While we don't have her here physically to love, we can take the love we have for her and send it on to others. And the memories of many generous people, bags on porches, an overflowing bedroom, many working hands and grateful recipients will last in our minds and hearts for a very long time.

 Stacie even gave her thanks. As I loaded a bag that held talking Teletubbies into my truck one said in a sing-songy voice, "Big hug!" You're welcome Stacie!!