My Mother's Last Days, July 17, 2015

Wouldn't it be interesting to know the date of our departure? How would we live our lives differently if we knew what the final date on our headstone would be? If I were to guess at a countdown regarding my mom's departure it would be 30 days or less. But I can't count down at this point. I have to be grateful for each day she is still here, hard as it is for all of us, including her.

A few days ago I was sitting at my kitchen table feeding my 13-month-old grandson. He can use a fork now and he switches off between fork and fingers with most things. I occasionally plop something into his mouth - a juicy berry or a piece of banana. This day I was feeding him yogurt from a spoon. A few hours later I was feeding my 86-year-old mother yogurt from a spoon. My Wolf cub waved his arms, smashed berries on the table and eagerly took a spoonful from me each time I offered it. My mom lay nearly motionless and I had to coax her to take a spoonful. I had to remind her to close her mouth and swallow. Wolf is learning and gaining new skills daily. Mom is losing hers minute by minute, skills she mastered over eight decades ago and used every day of her life.

A numb sadness comes over me when I visit my mom and see the condition she's in now. She weighs less than 100 pounds. She moans most of the time. She is vacant and mumbles nonsensical things about babies dying or deep water. I cry as I leave my mom's care center. I'm so tired of this for her. I want her to be able to see sunsets and flowers again, to walk easily and laugh her wonderful laugh. If I was a desperate, faithless person I'd frantically try to keep her here, to help her regain what she's lost. But I'm not desperate and I have faith. I know she will be waiting for me when I pass through the veil later in life. That is God's plan. Her time is coming. Her body and mind are fading but the memories I have of her through the past 86 years will never fade. The best memories for me started at about age 4 when I can truly remember events. Those events include my mother - happy, smiling, laughing. And new memories are being made with a tiny boy who is at the beginning of his life.

A headstone has a birth date and a death date. There is a dash between the two. That line on a headstone represents so much. I don't know the end date of my mom's life. I wasn't there for her birth. But I've been there for the dash and what a dash it's been! I thank a loving Heavenly Father for every day of my mother's life.